Remy Ma vs. Nicki Minaj….What I’m Really Hearing

No this post isn’t particularly about the two rappers but moreso about the bigger picture behind the feud. Last week I wrote about the importance of women empowering each other, but what if there’s just that one woman that your like…oh hell to the no….can’t do it. Or that same woman is just not about singing kumbaya and grabbing lattes with other females. So what if she just doesn’t want to know or even begin to understand how to support other women? In this follow up post from last week’s My Sisters’ Keeper, I delve a little more into the not so nice women we’ve had the good fortune of coming in contact with . Yes…good fortune…I did mean to say that.

This feud that has been spreading like wild fire is a great example of how women can publicly maul each other when really…they have so much to offer the music industry and other women of color trying to come up.  These two women who are both well known artists are making diss tracks faster than you can get your morning coffee. Now….I come from the era of 2Pac, Naughty by Nature, and Nas so please forgive my ignorance in regards to today’s rap game. Feel free to call me out or comment because I can’t really get down with today’s new era of rap and hip hop. And yes….writing that made me feel extremely old. Last I remembered though…breaking into the rap game as a female ain’t exactly a walk in the park. It’s hard enough being a successful artist landing record deals, but being a female trying to break into a male dominated arena makes it that much harder. Sure, times have changed and more and more female artists are coming up in the rap game but beefs like this….continue to make it that much harder. The hate creates drama and sure…people are more than willing to sip the tea and watch it unfold. But I think more so of our female kiddos who get the message that it’s okay to publicly humiliate and downplay a fellow female artist. Granted…I couldn’t even begin to tell you what the hell their beef is about but in all honesty….I don’t care. Y’all don’t like each other…cool…let it be….focus your energy on YOUR game and why waste your time on using your talents to put another female down.

So how does this relate to us non famous people? There will always be one woman who you just don’t get along with. And you know what? It is absolutely okay. I am here to tell you that if she has an issue with you (and you didn’t hurt her to begin with), the issue is way bigger than you. Compared to what she is dealing with or how she feels about herself……you are nothing but burnt toast in the grand scheme of things (yes I love food….you will see multiple references to food throughout my blogs #chipotleneedstosponsorme). So spare yourself from becoming an over night secret ninja and asking yourself 50 million questions in an attempt to figure out what went wrong. In my earlier years I would drive myself nuts, playing scenarios over and over in my head until one day it hit me…they are not me and I couldn’t make anyone feel what I was feeling. No matter how eloquent of a person you are, you cannot make someone understand your way of thinking if they are not open to it. A person cannot think the way you think or even act the same way you do. And you cannot expect them to. They are not the 2.0 version or clone of you. Flip the script…imagine if someone expected you to think or process like them? Something tells me that “I wish she would” just crossed your mind.

Even when we come across women who become quickly defensive, think about yourself for a minute. What are some things you get defensive about and why? The definition of defensive after a quick google search came up as “used or intended to defend or protect; very anxious to challenge or avoid criticism “.  So ask yourself, what makes people defend or protect? Why do people want to avoid criticism or icky feelings? Well….show me one person who loves to experience funky emotions. I doubt anyone is waking up saying…oh man…can’t wait to be a miserable wreck and think of how badly I suck. Now imagine that being your way of living and how you define yourself. Or you grew up always having to defend yourself because at some point, you had no voice.  This could be the case for that defensive woman or anyone for that matter.

In reality, all we can do is “let God and let go”. So I say we are fortunate in meeting these women, because they teach us about ourselves and what we need to do for us to be more about our business. To understand that not everyone will be a supporter and friend and that all you can afford to have in your life are women who will up lift and make you get it together when you feel like you can’t go on. Who knows maybe one day Remy Ma and Nicki Minaj will do a collabo or before we know it…the drama will be yesterday’s news. Until then, call up the chicas in your life that do matter and have a glass (or two) of wine for me. Cheers!


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